Simple little words

As I do every day, I sat down at my computer after my run to catch up on what I could have missed in the 2 hours I last checked the computer (almost always nothing). I logged into Facebook and saw this post. I was sitting at the desk and there was the kids' pastels and paper. How hard could this be? So I went to work on my drawing, from my favorite post from SUAR. Took a picture and sent it in to Runninghood. This is what I came up with:



I emailed the picture and in like 5 minutes, Runninghood emailed asking me if I have a blog. Umm, no. Can you tell me a little about yourself? She asked. This is what I wrote to her.

I am a military spouse and mother to two girls, 10 and 6. I am not a fast runner, but I run. We have lived everywhere from Germany to Hawaii to Arizona. Right now we are in San Antonio.
Like I said, I am not fast, but I run and I do it for me. Most of the time, I use running to talk through all my emotions. Like right now, running is helping me cope with the fact my husband will be deploying to Iraq for a year. I like to stay strong for my kids, so the trails and streets are the ones that absorb my tears and anger.
I also use running to set an example for my girls. I work hard, set goals, and let my determination and strength pay off. Last year I ran my first marathon with my sister--our kids were able to watch us finish. The entire time, in my mind, all I could think about was my little ones hugging me at the end.
I really do admire every mom who has decided to run, it really is inspiring and powerful!

Her response is what made me speak, write, hear my own voice. These simple little words are what did it.

So great to read this! Wish you had a blog...sounds like you have something to give with your words/story.

Yes, I do have a voice. I may be the only one who hears it, but I know I am not the only one that has spoke these words--either in the darkest moments or in front of a crowd. Some of us go to a therapist, some of us have a best friend or a journal to confide in. I have the road and the trails and now this blog.

It begins..

Ever have one of those moments where something happens, it may be where someone does something, or someone says something, and you feel like you have a voice? It may be a small voice, a loud one, or even a whisper, but it is there. This happened to me.

I started this blog about a year ago when we found out that Andre would be deploying for a year. The first couple of weeks I found myself in a dark place. I wanted to appear strong for him so that there would be no worries when he left. All of my feelings about the deployment were getting bottled up and pushed down. I did not want my husband to worry if I could handle it, I did not want my kids to see me so sad, and I did not want anyone else see me as weak. So I thought I would start a blog and chronicle my journey, our journey, through this weird, sad, awful time. It never happened.

It has been a year since we were notified he would be leaving. We have about 3 months until he leaves. My year of blogging has almost slipped away. Honestly, I felt I had so much to say, but when I would sit down to write, the words could not and would not come, just tears. Lots of tears. I will save that for later, I just want to start this tonight, declare it, own it, and now live it.

This blog will not just be about my sad pity party, but it will also be about what I do to overcome my sadness. Running, really just pushing my body to the point I did not think I could take it. And I would like to set rules for myself.

1. I will not go back and read what I wrote until Andre comes home.
2. I will be honest with myself and my readers.
3. I will let my voice out.

Pretty simple stuff.

Amanda at Runninghood is responsible for my new found voice. Please visit her blog, she is an inspiration! I will fill you in on what she did for me to realize I am being heard.